catboymettaton

The police, for the most part, agreed. It was self defense, they ruled, and so you were released. The only one at fault was Nakaokaji himself.

Of course, this wasn't true at all. Nakaokaji was nearly as blameless as you. But the police had no way of knowing this, and no way to punish a dead man.

Funny, isn't it? No one can punish a corpse. In the end, all humans turn out the same.

Self defense or not, as you wash your hands for the fifth time in twenty minutes you can't forget that you killed a man.

You've always been a good upstanding Japanese citizen. Or maybe you haven't, maybe you've made your fair share of mistakes — no one is perfect, after all. But you've never been arrested. You've never been caught.

And, of course, ever since the news broke about Kira, you've been trying your very best to keep it that way. You follow the law to the letter. You discourage bad behavior in your peers. You show up to work five minutes early and remain focused and diligent till the moment your shift ends. Because you're a good person. You're not a criminal. Not like the late Nakaokaji.

You're sure Kira had nothing to do with Nakaokaji, of course. Kira only stops the hearts of the wicked. You are the only one who killed him. You are the only one with blood on your hands.

You're just as bad as he was, aren't you? He was a killer, and now you are too.

Self defense, you remind yourself, self defense. You were in danger. If you hadn't acted first he would have killed you. And you didn't mean to kill him. You just wanted to stop him. You wanted to save yourself. You didn't mean to kill him.

Does it matter that you didn't mean to kill him? The outcome is the same. It doesn't matter what you meant. A man still died at your hands. You're a killer.

And the grand killer, Kira, is watching.

as someone who goes by multiple names I spend a lot of time wondering what counts as a "true" name for death note purposes. this is the result of that wondering. originally written november 2024

Mello struck a cunty little pose and flipped his hair.

Near WISHES he was half as sexy as Mihael Keehl.

He picked up his cross necklace and clasped it behind his neck.

The only reason L didn’t pick ME, Mihael Keehl, to be his successor is cause he never saw me in person. If he’d seen me the charisma would’ve been overwhelming and he never would’ve thought about Near ever again. He would’ve gone “Ooh, Mello, it’s gotta be Mello!” and Mihael Keehl would’ve been the winner.

He bucked his belt and left the bathroom. The morning ritual was complete.

No one knew exactly how Kira’s powers worked. Obviously, he needed a name to kill. But what sort of name?

If aliases worked, L would’ve been fucked in the ass the second Kira ever saw his face.

(L had probably gotten fucked in the ass anyway but that was neither here nor there.)

(Both metaphorically and literally.)

So it couldn’t just be the name people called you. It had to be some sort of “real” name, a “true” name.

What the hell did it mean to have a true name?

Wammy’s house hinged on the principle that you couldn’t trust anyone at all, except for yourself. And so they had to use the names Roger gave them. But living under a fake name was dangerous. Spend too long with everyone calling you Mello and you stop thinking of Mello as a stupid pseudonym. You become Mello.

And that was why Mihael Keehl had to remind himself who he was every single morning.