catboymettaton: catboy with light skin, blue ears, and long blue hair with a big heart in the background (blue)
[personal profile] catboymettaton
more oc stuff. had more scenes planned of this but well I last touched it in july so thats probably not happening. this takes place in February 2023


“Yeah, no cure and they’re still going to have to do more tests to make sure they’re right.”

“Damn, that sucks.” Jenny’s voice crackled slightly in Caitlin’s earbuds.

Caitlin snorted. “Yeah.”

“How are your legs doing?”

Caitlin clicked onto a new tab. “They’ve been better. Made it to class fine today though.”

“Fine like actually fine, or fine like bad but you still walked on it anyway?”

“Babe, I said I’m fine.”

“Caitlin, I know how you -”

“Wait, hold on a second.” A link had caught Caitlin’s eye, and she opened the article in a new tab. Her heart started beating a bit faster, even though she hadn’t moved from her seat. She started to feel uneasy, but found she couldn’t stop reading.

The silence made Jenny nervous. “Caitlin?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just reading.”

“Okay. You know you can summon me if you need me?”

Caitlin knew that. She remembered that weekend Jenny had apparently teleported to her door and insisted on taking a trip to the pharmacy. She knew Caitlin too well to think she could be trusted to go alone, and Caitlin had appreciated the moral and physical support. Caitlin also knew that Jenny’s quintets had gigs coming up, and they’d be pissed if she kept hopping on the train every weekend. “Yeah, I know. I promise I’m alright.”

Jenny sounded a bit skeptical, but decided not to press. “Okay, just let me know if that changes. I gotta head out, love you to the stars.”

“Love you to the stars.”

Caitlin spent the rest of the evening in some kind of trance. Now that the idea was in her head, it didn’t seem to leave. The more she read, the more certain she felt.

When Jenny had finally started estrogen at 14, they’d still been keeping up their vow of silence in public - why had they held onto that for so long? It had been so hard not to break character then, but they celebrated later and Caitlin made sure Jenny knew how happy she was. Jenny had reported every change as it happened, and Caitlin had gotten to see the later parts of it firsthand. Jenny was so thrilled with how her body filled out, and her skin softened, and even with the outbreaks of zits that Caitlin and the others would’ve loved to stop. When Zoe had started estrogen two years later, it was a lot of the same. Jenny and Zoe spent a lot of time happily chatting about their milestones, with the others cheering them on.

Caitlin had never felt the same way about her body, but she hadn’t had to work for it, either. As a kid they told her she’d get boobs, and when the boobs came, well, there they were. They were small, which other people apparently cared about, but she was just glad she didn’t always need a bra. She didn’t like bleeding, but she didn’t think anyone else did either. (Jenny didn’t bleed, of course, but she’d recently started getting emotional periods, which somehow she managed to be happy about too.)

When Marsh had started testosterone last year, it felt - different somehow. Maybe it was because he had come out so much more recently. The girls had planned to take hormones as long as Caitlin had known them, but Marsh’s decision came much later in the friendship. Maybe it was because the group no longer saw each other in person every single day. They’d been scattered to different colleges for three years now, and the monthly game nights weren’t quite the same. Caitlin hadn’t examined her feelings too deeply. Now, maybe it was time to confront that.

The evidence she found was largely anecdotal. She had trouble finding studies, and it didn’t help that “EDS” was only one letter off from “ED”, and her searches kept triggering “male enhancement” ads (not something she needed or wanted). Still, the stories were out there. Lots of women had tried low dose testosterone, and it had helped their symptoms.

Caitlin had never considered being anything but a woman. She was one of the only people Kitty had confided in during her brief phase of questioning, and she just assumed she’d turn out like Kitty if she tried it herself - maybe a little enlightened, but still a cis woman. She’d never felt particularly excited about being a woman, but she figured most cis woman didn’t.

Most cis women probably didn’t feel weirdly fascinated reading about testosterone.

---

“Caitlin, what’s going on, do you need me to come over?”

Caitlin heard the panic in her girlfriend’s voice, and felt a bit bad for not saying more than she had. Her head was still a little scrambled, though, and her knee had subluxed again. “No, babe, it’s fine, I just wanted to talk.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, I just - I wanted to ask you something.”

Jenny paused, and again Caitlin felt slightly guilty. “Okay, should I get somewhere more secure than a first floor practice pod?”

“No, it’s not anything like that, it’s just - how did you know you’re a woman?”

“Damn, you couldn’t have just texted?” Another pause, then, “I’m sorry, that was stupid. Okay. Honestly it wasn’t that complicated, I just knew I didn’t want to be a man, no one knew about nonbinary when we were kids, and being a woman feels good. Also like, girl power stuff feels empowering? Like that’s the whole reason we have the women quintets. A bunch of us went wow, let’s be women together.”

Caitlin had always thought “girl power” stuff was a little silly. She’d been part of “women in comp sci” groups before but never really felt that kind of connection.

“That… makes sense.”

Jenny was still concerned. “Caitlin. My girlfriend. My dog who uses a computer. What is going on with you?”

Caitlin stared at her phone. She and Jenny usually did audio calls to save Jenny’s battery, but for once she wished they could see each other’s faces. She breathed in, held it, and breathed out again. “I think I’m going to start testosterone.”

“WHAT? I mean - yeah, go for it, I’ll be here for you, I love you, but what? When? Why? Are you pronouns? Are you - I’m going to shut up now.”

“Can we switch to Discord?”

A few seconds later and the two were staring at each other, Jenny’s eyes fixed on where Caitlin’s were on her screen. Caitlin looked past her girlfriend at the grand piano. She (?) (was she pronouns?) breathed deep again. “For my joints. I read - it might help with. You know. EDS stuff. But also I think - I think I might want - other stuff too?” She looked at Jenny’s face, now: her eyes were wide and she was nodding slightly. “I don’t know, I - I never really thought about it before, but, yeah I might be pronouns.”

Jenny gave her a thumbs up. “Okay. Yeah! Awesome! We can be pronouns together! Um - should I call you my partner? Do you think you’re a man or something else or ?”

“I haven’t gotten that far. I’ll be your girlfriend for now. Maybe I’ll be something else in the morning.”
 

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